Summertime

What a crazy fast, whirlwind summer we've had!  I really don't know how it's September already.  We played hard, took a couple of vacations out of state, and found some fun local stuff to do too.

Vacationing with small kids can be hard.  Much of is it just plain work.  But today I finally unloaded all of our pictures and was delighted to see that amidst all the craziness, we really did have a lot of fun!

We started with a trip to Chicago.  We got killer deals on City Passes, and being always on the lookout for educational experiences, I decided the most logical idea was to cram four museums into three days. Ha!  Sounds nuts, but we had great fun during the day.  Nights, not so much, but that's what we get for sharing a single room with four children.  (Never again!)  We visited the Field Museum, Shedd Aquarium, Adler Planetarium, and Museum of Science and Industry.  We are incredibly blessed to live so close to such amazing places!

But we live even nearer to some other places of interest.  The Studebaker Museum is basically in our backyard.  We were invited to go with some new friends one day a couple of weeks ago, and had a great time absorbing some local history.  We even got to see the car from The Muppet Movie!

Finally we just got back from Cedar Point.  This is totally my husband's thing.  He is a bona fide, self-proclaimed roller coaster geek.  Every year we go, and every year I walk around in circles ruing the day we bought those darned tickets.  But even in my misery, the kids so enjoy their over-priced carnival rides, so as a mother you just grin and bear it, right?

What's neat about Cedar Point that even appeals to me is their Dinosaurs Alive! exhibit.  Very cool and humbling to see life-sized dinos up close and personal.  I loved that Punk got to see what Sue from Field Museum would have looked like!

What I love more than anything, though, is the little learning moments here and there that aren't scheduled.  Boo loves to touch and smell everything she comes into contact with. Her curiosity is precious.  Coming out of a toll road rest stop she just had to stop and feel a pillar.  We took just a few minutes and compared the feel of the bricks, mortar, cement, and caulk.  While leaving the hotel one day we observed a katydid climbing the wall.  On the path to see the dinosaurs she stopped to touch a grasshopper.  Little moments that mean a lot.  Perhaps those brief memories will live on in her mind.  Who knows what memories will stick?

Another impromptu lesson was Dude asking to use my camera at the park.  There are no automatic settings on my "good camera".  It's all manual.  So I showed him how to use it as well as I could in the short time we had while his sisters and brothers were on a ride.  I set the ISO and aperture for him, and he set to figuring out the shutter speed.  After a few tries, he didn't do too shabby!

All in all, great times were had.  Memories were made.  We invested time in one another.  And the fun in the sun isn't over yet!  Monday is my birthday (yay!), Thursday is Punk's birthday (whaaah!) and in a week and a half we'll go camping with our unchooling friends.  The latter promises to provide some good photo ops as most of us are inexperienced campers!  Ha!  Until next time...

The Times They Are a-Changin'

Since we've been deschooling and drifting into unschooling I've already noticed some pretty great differences in the way our day to day life looks.  Here are a handful of things that have stuck out to me.

*Mealtimes are a joint effort.  In the past I would make one thing and one thing only.  If my kids wanted it, great.  If not, they wouldn't eat.  Today for lunch I made myself a spinach quesadilla.  Bebe (7) made Punk (2) a "peanut butter taco".  Boo Boo (5) made herself a peanut butter sandwich.  Dude (9) and Bebe requested egg sandwiches.  While my quesadilla was in the oven, I fried up some eggs, and they took care of making the sandwiches themselves.  They all poured themselves their own milk and I got Punk's for him.  It's like a well-oiled machine.  No fighting.  No tears.  Just everyone doing for themselves or others.

*We have time.  We have time for reading together.  We have time to do chores at relaxed pace.  We have time to play games.  There isn't a whole lot of "We'll do that after..."  Of course, things still come up, but for the most part we're free to be doing whatever we please.  The other day we were invited on an impromptu outing to a local museum and we just went!  The fast-paced life we'd created is slowing down and we're able to just be and enjoy each other's company.

*I don't yell.  I don't need to yell.  Now that I've had the ability to sit back and realize that most of my NOs were out of frustration or unwarranted, the need for yelling has gone away.  And if I do ever have to yell, they will know it's for a really good reason.

*Dude is happy.  This is my introverted child, the one people were concerned about at a very young age because he was "too shy" or wouldn't "make eye contact", the one who almost certainly had ADHD, the one who cried through lessons daily.  He smiles.  His outbursts are less frequent.  The other day he jumped into my dad's lap, all 80 lbs. of him, squeezing his neck and rocking, saying, "I love my Papa!"  He's taken on some responsibility for his siblings without me asking.  He asks a lot of questions and tells me all about what he's been reading.  He hugs me often.  He is a different boy.  That alone is priceless.

Go Your Own Way

I wanted to post just to clarify a few things.  Since yesterday and today have been the first days of school in our local districts, suddenly I'm getting TONS of questions about unschooling.  Even though we've been homeschooling since the beginning, this concept is even hard for our homeschooling friends to wrap their minds around.  I get that.  I was there once.  So here are some things that have been on my mind. 

*The name unschooling kind of sucks.  It doesn't mean no-learning.

*The decision to unschool is one that is well thought out.  As much as it may seem willy nilly to some because it's not structured, it is not taken lightly.  We are not lazy.  We are not glued to the TV.  We are learning daily.  I love my children.  I'm not throwing caution to the wind.  Anyone who knows me would know that's the furthest thing from the truth.

*We are not anti-public school...or anti-traditional school...or anti-traditional homeschooling.  I have just experienced for myself what sit-down-at-a-desk schooling looks like for our family and it hasn't been pretty.  Each child has their own personality, as I discussed in my last blog.  Some children thrive in a structured school environment.  Most children probably don't.  It is set up for a handful of personality types and the rest are deemed average, or less than average, or ADD, or whatever.  My two oldest kids would very likely be labeled ADHD if they were in school.  One needs a lot of alone, quiet time, and one is generally bouncing off the walls all day.  Neither can focus well while sitting at a desk.  It's just our reality.  Do I want to medicate and change them to fit a structured environment?  Not especially.  We're home already.  We have the privilege (and it is a privilege) to give them the space to learn in the way it works best for each of them.  But I do see the value in a public education system, and I know enough passionate teachers to know that there is a place for everyone, and everyone's place is not the same.  By all means, do what works for you.  I'd love to hear about it.

*Unschooling is not for everyone.  I'm not judging you.  Please do not judge me.  To unschool you have to be okay with noise and messes.  You have to want to know more about the world.  You have to want to get out there and get dirty.  If you fit these criteria, it's not hard.  It's not a burden.  You don't have to be super organized.  You just have to live as you'd normally live, and make notes of what your kids are learning to appease the government.

*My kids will learn to sit down, take direction, raise their hand, and follow rules.  Some of these things have already been learned.  It doesn't require 13+ years of practice to learn these skills.

*If you have questions, I'm happy to answer.  If you have advice...well, maybe keep it to yourself.  If I want your advice, I'll be sure to ask.  That may sound rude, but I don't tell you your decisions are wrong, or warn you about your kid not going to college, or tell you what you have to do. 

*I like to post about what we're doing.  I take lots of pictures.  This is not to prove how much better we are than you.  This is not to rub your nose in my feeling we are superior in some way.  It is because we're excited.  Our life is happy.  When I'm excited and passionate about something I like to share, just like you post pics of your kids' first day of school, or their new sneakers or backpack.  I'm not opening a door for you to tell me your opinion.  I just want to express myself.  Plain and simple.

I appreciate the kind, supportive friends that I have.  I especially appreciate the AMAZING women I've gotten to know through our unschooling community.  This is a very special time in our lives and I'm happy to share it with anyone who'd like to read about it, or have a conversation about it, or share in our experiences.  We just want to be accepted, just like everyone else. 

For my next trick I will likely post some FAQs.  Sometimes people have questions that I can't  answer in a five minute sitting...and to be honest I'm tired of answering the same things over and over...and over again.  So be sure to check back if you're curious.  And if you're considering unschooling, PLEASE don't hesitate to contact me.  I am HAPPY to help you find your way and make some connections with other unschoolers.  :)

Within You Without You

I've become a little obsessed with the Myers Briggs Type Indicator lately. My friend posted a link the other night and I got curious so I took a questionnaire. It turns out I'm an ENFP (Extrovertion iNtuition Feeling Perceiving). Taking it a step further I had my husband take it and he happens to be an ISTJ (Introvertion Sensing Thinking Judging). If you didn't notice, that makes us complete, polar opposites.

As much as I'm not big on labeling people, I find this tool very helpful. It's not perfect, and no person fits into any of the 16 personality types like a glove, I'm sure. There are a lot of circumstances that come into play. But it helps me greatly to understand myself better, and also to have a better understanding of what makes my husband tick.

I found there are even questionnaires for kids. Rather than let my kids know what I was doing, I took what I know about them and filled the questions out myself, only asking them on things I wasn't sure about. These are only recommended for kids 7-12, so I only did my oldest two. The results say that my son is Introverted Intuitive and my daughter is Extroverted Sensing. None of this is a surprise, but again, opposites (which explains why they butt heads a lot). And what's fun is their personalities each have a bit of their dad and me.

Again, it's helpful to understand them a little bit better, and it furthers my belief that both of them are better suited in an unschooling environment than any other. Both need a lot of freedom, E to be alone, and A to express herself. Neither of their personalities would fit well in a classroom with a lot of structure and a lot of time sitting and being still. I'm so thankful that we have the opportunity to raise them in an environment where they are free to be themselves.

Space Oddity

Now that I've finished my Pam Laricchia books, I'm onto the "Bible" of unschooling...better known as Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling. I'm barely 1/6 of the way into it and I already have so much to say! For starters, I love that this book is broken down into very specific, bite sized nuggets. You can pretty much turn to any page at any time. No need to read it cover to cover...although I am. Seldom have I found a book that speaks so clearly to my soul. She has written things that I've said, or thought already! Below is one of the quotes from the book that made me question, did she read my mind?!

"School has become so much a part of life in the past few decades that it seems to some that taking their children out of school is like leaving the planet altogether."

I have often used the analogy that our first day of NOT sending our son to Kindergarten was like floating out in space. It was a weightless, groundless, quiet void where I didn't really know what to do with myself or him. I had that feeling again this summer when I made the decision to unschool...even had a dream about being on a space station, which I could only attribute to that lost in space feeling. It's the perfect description because it's so true. To make the steps to homeschooling and unschooling, for a person like me, is to leave behind everything you know and step into uncharted territory. You only have the stories of those who've gone before you with their own families to give you the momentum to keep going and keep trying new things.

However, I have discovered that I'm naturally more of an unschooler than I'd previously thought. I have always struggled with schedules, and we were never very good at "doing school". Last year I remember a friend posting pictures of her children celebrating their 100th day of school, and upon looking at the calendar I realized we'd only completed about 50 sit-at-a-desk days of school ourselves. While I used to view this as a negative, I now see the positive in it.

In the book, Sandra talks about the importance of deschooling. The suggested guideline is to deschool your children one month for every year of traditional schooling before really getting the unschooling ball rolling. Further, she recommends parents do the same. For me, that would be 13 months of deschooling (one month for each of my years in public school K-12, and not counting nursery school or college). We have been deschooling since June and I'm happy to report that my children have not lost their joy of learning, especially not my youngest three. I'm so grateful for that! My oldest is not as carefree as his siblings yet, but he still eagerly pores over books about tornadoes, spies, and the periodic table of elements. And I already have the curiosity and desire for closeness with my children that is so crucial for unschooling parents to have. This gives me confidence that we will not need to deschool for any extended period of time, though I will give my oldest more time than the others. I feel he deserves that.

There are laws, however, and Sandra does make mention of knowing them. Thankfully the state we live in requires only that we keep attendance 180 days of the year. To one in the unschooling camp, this is no problem. Children learn 365 days a year. Check!  But for the sake of keeping us covered, I've decided to record their learning, quietly, as to not distract them, for at least 180 days of the year. Today it went something like this:

E:
Read book, Tornado! (Reading, Science)
Played Minecraft (Math, Geometry, Technology)
Wrote letter to friend (Language Arts, Writing, Grammar, Handwriting, Spelling)
Ran around the yard pretending to be a Ninja (Phys. Ed.)
Started learning about making stop-motion videos (Technology)

A and B:
Discussed and compared small, medium, and large toys at dentist's office (Math)
Discussed shape toys at dentist's office (Math, Geometry)
Talked about Easter Island statues prompted by National Geographic mag (History)
Observed and picked out snails at PetSmart (Science)
Picked up various items for dog, cat, rabbit, and fish (Science, Health)
Made bead necklaces to spell their names (Writing, Spelling, Fine Motor, Art)
Played "smoothie making" and "doctor" iPad apps (Health, Science, Technology)
Painted paper (Art, Fine Motor)

S:
Played Endless Alphabet iPad app (Language Arts, Pre-reading, Technology)
Washed hands by himself (Health)
Learned that sunny spots are warmer than shady ones (Science)
Painted and cut paper (Art, Fine Motor)

All:
Took dog on walk around neighborhood (Geography, Science, Health, Phys. Ed.)
Released a tree frog we raised from a tadpole (Science)
Watched Jaws (Science, Technology)
Lived, worked and played together, and interacted with others (Socialization)

The list could go on and on. The beauty is, it's not complicated. These are real life lessons that would have otherwise been replicated in a classroom, undoubtedly in worksheet form. How much sweeter is it to be just fluid parts of life? The children have no idea these things can be broken down into subjects. Their world isn't compartmentalized. It just is. So while this place might feel otherworldly, I'll take it. We are blessed to live this life! I'm so anxious to see where this grand adventure takes us!

Free as a Bird

In my quest to get my bearings with this lifestyle change, I've been seeking out experienced friends and reading material.  I happened upon Pam Laricchia's books and decided to dig right in.  Her children were pulled from school to begin homeschooling, her oldest son the same age as my oldest son is now.  Reading about her children's confidence has really helped me, as I've wondered at times if I'd already done irreparable damage to my kids. 

I started with Free to Learn, which lists 5 paradigm shifts when beginning an unschooling lifestyle.  As a person who loves lists, this is very helpful for me.  After finishing that one, I began Free to Live, and I'm currently about two chapters into that one.  Then I plan to read them both again, next time taking notes.

I've really enjoyed reading these so far.  They are relatively short and easy to follow, and while I don't agree with everything she suggests, the main thing I appreciate is her recommendation to ask myself questions, mainly when I tell my children no.  What is my reasoning behind it?  Is it just an arbitrary rule?  What is the worst thing that will happen if I let them try?  I have found myself many times saying no just because it's easy...for me.  But what am I really saying to them?  I haven't even considered your request.  I don't trust you to make a good decision.  My clean house is more important than your inspiration.  So I've decided on two "rules" to start...  Be considerate of others and be a team player.

I've spent some time thinking about things we could change in our home.  One thing my kids enjoy is getting out their art supplies: paper, scissors, glue, crayons, etc.  In a matter of milliseconds our kitchen table becomes engulfed in this creative jumble, and my blood pressure rises.  Thankfully I've always seen the advantage of this, so most of the time I say yes anyway, but on many occasions I've still said no just because I didn't want to clean up the mess.  Part of this new way of thinking is allowing the messes, but also impressing on the children that they have a part in the clean up.

Another area we need some help in is chores.  I'd gotten a well-organized system in place a couple of weeks ago...and the month before that...and the month before that.  We've tried rewards and punishments, money, and doing it just "because I said so", but it never works, and for good reason.  For one thing, it's never a natural process.  I myself don't do "preventative cleaning".  I've never been able to commit to a cleaning schedule.  If I see something is dirty, I clean it, so it makes sense that my kids will probably be the same way.  We had a family meeting the other day and I explained to them their required chores are no more.  Their eyes bugged out of their heads and smiles stretched across their faces as they looked back and forth at each other.  I went further, telling them that they are now in charge of their bedrooms.  They will be the ones to decide when they want a clean floor, or clean clothes.  And they can even help me with the laundry, and I will help them do the cleaning. They just have to let me know when they're ready.  Now my kids are big time mess-makers, especially my girls, and I don't want their rooms to be fire hazards, so last night I just simply picked up what was on the floor that was dangerous and made a clear path in case of emergency, setting things aside, but not necessarily putting them away.  Eventually they will decide whether they'd like a clean place to play, or whether they'd like to find that lost toy. But the pressure is now off of me, not only to keep their living space clean, but also to keep them in line. 

Now when it comes to shared space, it'll be a little different.  I told them they are welcome to play where they like, but they need to keep in mind before they make a mess that they will be held responsible for cleaning it.  If they are in the middle of playing something, I will no longer make them clean up their project to go to bed or whatever, and I will no longer threaten to take it to Goodwill (ugh...did I really do that?).  Instead I will respect their wish to continue playing as long as it isn't interfering with our living.  BUT if company is coming, and we need to have the living space clear for friends, then we'll work together to make sure the house is adequate for our guests.

On the subject of bedtime...well, this a tricky one.  My kids are nine, seven, five and almost three.  It's a given in my mind that my youngest little guy needs some help figuring out when it's bedtime.  He needs me to guide him when he's sleepy so that it doesn't impact his mood for the rest of the day or evening.  My five year old is sort of borderline, and it's made a little more difficult because she shares a room with her sister.  So for the moment, I've told them they can go to bed whenever they want, but they need to respect others who'd like to sleep, so they can't be noisy.  If they want to play they'll need to do it quietly in their room with their door shut.  My husband and I stay up late, so my oldest son will be allowed to hang out downstairs as long as he's quiet, then he can sneak into his shared room and hopefully not wake his brother up.  But nobody is allowed in our bedroom once we're in for the night...and we'll be putting a lock on our door.  :)  Last night we tried this for the first time.  My two girls ended up arguing, so I did need to tell them it was bedtime around 10:00.   So this will be a learning process to see what their needs are.  My oldest stayed up to watch a show with his dad, but when it was done he happily put himself to bed around 10:30.  This might sound late to some, but as a family we don't generally get out of bed until sometime between 8:00 and 8:45 every morning, so they are still able to get a good 10 hours or so of sleep going to bed at these hours. 

In regard to screen time, this is something I used to limit, or even ban.  But I love technology and I'm a visual learner, so I started questioning my motives.  After reading Free to Learn, I've decided to lift all rules about this.  Does this mean I want my kids to live in front of a screen?  Of course not!  But I do need to trust that they know what they need.  And here's the kicker, it's my job as parent to make the world interesting to my learners.  If I don't provide them positive alternatives, they'll think there's nothing better in the world than sitting in front of that screen.  But if I show interest in something outside of the home, in a book, through travel, or interesting toys, they won't feel that the world outside of a screen is boring.  The other side to this is if I limit their every move, what will their lives be like when they are on their own for the first time with no limits at all?  The idea a lot of parents have, and one that I previously shared, was if I model good rules they will grow up to still want to follow them.  But if they feel they are following arbitrary rules, only because they are being told, how will they know how to make good decisions for themselves when they are suddenly unleashed?

The one thing I disagreed with Ms. Laricchia most about was food.  She suggests letting kids eat what they want to eat, when they want to eat, and where they want to eat.  I can agree to an extent.  I do see the advantage, not only from a freedom perspective, but also from a health perspective, in allowing a child to eat when they are hungry instead of telling them they have to come to eat at a certain time.  If they aren't hungry, they will either be wasting food, or they will be gorging themselves when they don't need food at the moment.  However, as a friend said yesterday, I am not a servant.  If my children would like to come and make themselves a sandwich because they didn't feel like eating at lunch time, that's fine to me.  But I'm not going to be a short order cook, and I'm certainly not going to bring them food wherever they feel like eating all over the house.  As they get older that may change, but right now, especially in summer, food all over the house equals bugs, and nobody wants that.  As far as mealtimes are concerned, though, the reality is, as an unschooling family we'll be spending so much time living and learning together that the dinner table will no longer the hub of all family togetherness. 

The last thing that inspired me was thinking ahead to the future.  Our culture holds a belief that a child's job is to learn, so they can go to college, and eventually get the highest paying job they can.  I believe this ideology is so very, very flawed.  For one thing, I don't want my kids to feel that their entire childhood is nothing more than preparation for adulthood.  I want them to live their childhood.  College is certainly not the only means of securing a career.  If a child is interested enough in a specific subject, they will find a way to do what they want to do.  If that means they need college, they can and will make that happen by researching colleges, figuring out what they need to do to get into their college of choice, and doing it.  But how many 18 year olds really know what they want to do for the rest of their lives?  And how many spend thousands on college only to find out they don't want to do what they wanted to do five years ago anymore?  How many really need college to make a good living doing what they enjoy?  Just this morning I read an interview with Mike Rowe about the lack of hands-on workers, and how college isn't for everyone.  I want my kids to have EVERY opportunity, not limit them to doing what's expected of them by the society they happen to have been born into.  Also, I want them to know their dad and I are here to support them at every stage of their lives.  If they need a place to live while they're figuring out their goals, I don't want them to be burdened by shoving them out of the nest too soon.  Perhaps they lose a job and need a place for their family to stay, or maybe we decide to be a three generational household.  What's the harm in that?  That is the norm in many cultures around the world.  It's hard raising children without a lot of support, and my husband and I agree that we want to be the type of grandparents who are available when our children need us to step up and help out.  We are open to whatever path the Lord places in front of each member of our family.  We are, and always will be team players.