School's Out (Forever)

So, I'm sure you've all noticed this annoying trend with stores where seasonal items seem to be stocked 4...5...6 months in advance.  Last week a girlfriend of mine was looking for swimming gear for her children and was unable to locate what she needed at Walmart, the place that has everything (for three cents less than their competitors).  Here it is, still July, and I've even seen some Christmas items on the shelves in some places! But there's similar trend I'm noticing.  Perhaps I notice it more now that we've decided to unschool, but it strikes me just the same.  Many of my friends seem to have written off the rest of summer, and for good reason!  For those in traditional schools, some of their kids only have a week or two left before they have to go back, and some have even started!

At the risk of aging myself...(insert old fogey voice)...when I was a kid we had until the end of August before we had to go back.  And before my time it was after Labor Day!  What is the rush?!  (This is obviously a rhetorical question, as my traditionally schooling friends don't have control over the decisions of the powers that be in their district.)  Kids now have Spring Break while there's snow on the ground, and get out of school while it's still cool.  It feels like they are being robbed of time they could be enjoying in the sun.  And during those precious few weeks, there are constant reminders everywhere, in every commercial break, in every store, that school will be back in session in no time!   There are commercials where the parents just can't wait to get rid of their kids for 9 1/2 months.  Maybe some parents feel that way, but I know most of my friends don't, and their kids certainly don't feel it's the happiest time of year either.  It gives me anxiety remembering how I felt as a child, dreading that first day and counting down how many more days of freedom I had.

I'm not sure why this bothers *me* so much.  I'm not bound by the traditional school year.  In fact, our unschooling group will be having a "Not Back to School" camping trip in September...when it's still summer.  I think it bothers me because it makes my mind drift further ahead than I care for it to drift.  It makes me feel rushed. Why can't we live in the present?  It's like people who take their Christmas tree down December 26th when there are still 10 more days of Christmas to celebrate.  I guess it's just sort of a buzzkill.  Do I have to follow what they do?  Of course not!  But it is still a downer to hear about it.

As the matriarch of our family, I'm vowing to take summer back!  And Christmas!  And whatever else we want to hang onto a little longer.  Summer in our family will last until the leaves fall off the trees, and we won't celebrate the next season until it is actually upon us.  We will get to that next step in due time.  No need to rush it, because before we know it, we'll be longing to have these days back.  Who's with me?!  Those of you who have kids in school, you can join me too!  Just because you're on someone else's schedule Monday through Friday doesn't mean you have to settle in to the routine.  You are still in charge of your weekends.  TO SUMMER!

Breathe

You may have noticed by now that the names of my posts are song titles.  Tonight's is no different.  The title of this post is inspired by a song by the band The Brilliance, whom I had the pleasure of seeing and meeting last December at a friend's house show.  The first time I heard this song I lied in bed and sobbed (and like any good fan I shared that with lead singer/guitarist, David Gungor).

The reason I use song titles is because, well...they're fun...and music is so important in my life.  I don't play any instruments (yet...working on guitar) but I do sing, and I find myself in awe of people who can write and perform music that can stir up people's hearts.  It's not just something I listen to for background noise.  Songs become part of me, ingrained in my soul.  Good songs are like dear friends who bring back emotions you once felt or create new ones. 

When I first heard this song I was reminded of God breathing life into Adam's nostrils, but over the last year it's taken on whole new meaning.  Now, I'm not big into labeling people, as we're all complex beings, but just a couple of years ago I would have proudly considered myself a Young Earth Creationist, meaning I took the Bible literally in its account of the beginning of the world and everything in it.  I was not always there.  Before professing my faith in Christ in college I wholeheartedly embraced evolution, as an Anthropology student, and viewed the world through scientific glasses. But upon becoming a Christian I very much was led to believe I had to choose God or science, and I, of course, chose God. 

My world was rocked a year or so ago when I discovered that it was not so black and white.  I found a Bible curriculum for my kids called Telling God's Story, and I liked that it followed the Classical model that I was following at the time.  I quickly discovered, however, that author Peter Enns had caused quite the controversy in the homeschool world as he had butted heads with Ken Ham, head of Answers in Genesis.  Intrigued, I began to read Dr. Enns' other books, specifically The Evolution of Adam and Inspiration and Incarnation, and found that they opened up all new possibilities in my mind and heart...that Genesis is full of myth and poetry, and borrowed stories from surrounding cultures.  And what he said made sense!  The Bible was written in a form the people of those times could understand, just as Jesus came in a form with which the people of his era could relate.

This made me feel free in some ways, and broke my heart in others.  I now have the freedom to embrace the wonder of evolution once again.  I no longer have to weed out the books that say "millions and billions" at the library.  We are able to walk the halls of museums and soak up everything they have to offer.  But I went through almost a mourning period also, and I still struggle with knowing how to read the Bible.  It's like being a child who has just found out Santa Claus isn't real, only on a much, much larger scale.  At times I find myself trying to nitpick what's fact and what's not, when that's really not the point at all.

In my bewilderment and excitement I've wanted to share what's on my heart, and that's been hard.  The homeschooling community in our area is primarily Christian, and of those Christians, most are YECs.  It's been difficult to know how much to share, and with whom to share.  Some friends have lovingly disagreed with me.  Some people have applauded me for stepping out.  Some have flat out told me I'm not a Christian.  One woman actually asked me to apologize for posting a link on a homeschool board about Christian homeschooling parents desiring evolution in Christian curriculum.  But there's one thing I keep going back to: the Bible, as sacred as it is, is not what I worship.  I am a Christ follower.  I believe Christ is who he said he was, I believe he died for us because he loves us, and I believe he will return.  This is my foundation. 

So now when I hear this song, it's takes on a much deeper meaning.  God didn't just breathe life into the first man.  The Holy Spirit is breathing life into me today.  He speaks to me, sometimes through Scripture, sometimes in dreams, or through friends, or experiences.  He is not limited to words on a page.  He is within us and around us, vibrant and calling us into his ongoing story. 

I have alluded to this shift in my personal theological beliefs a few times on Facebook, and many times I've thought about being more explicit.  I guess you could call this post my "coming out".  I suppose the most accurate label for me now would be Evolutionary Creationist, but I'd prefer just to be called friend.

What a Wonderful World

I've been thinking a lot about how to approach the upcoming school year.  The reality is, we won't be following a traditional school year, as we'll be learning year-round.  But it's hard not to think about it when there is so much talk about boxes of curriculum arriving, or school start dates. My problem is I'm a disorganized perfectionist.  I want so badly to do everything...just. right.  But when I quickly discover that a project is not cut and dry...it's like I become frozen, not knowing what to do, so I just do nothing.  This summer has been like that.  There are SO many things I've wanted to do and I can feel summer slipping through our fingers.  Of course...our summer can be as long as the weather allows, which is comforting. 

I've been learning a lot about unschooling through friends, and was surprised to hear that there are very different schools of thought (no pun intended).  There is everything from radical unschooling to relaxed, interest-led learning. I'm not exactly sure where we'll fall.  Right now I just know that I want my children to have the freedom to make natural connections and I believe they also need my guidance to make good decisions sometimes.  We'll see how that evolves as we really get into a groove.  Perhaps I won't have to do any pushing.  Wouldn't that be nice?!

I envision our family learning through nature, technology, the library, hands-on experience...  I do not envision us using text books or grading performance through tests.  That said, we have a science curriculum that we all LOVE called R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey (published through Pandia Press).  This past year we began with the Level One study of Life Science.  It is advertised for Grades 1-4, which fits our family well.  I've found it's engrossing for my 9 and 7 year olds, if a little above my 5 year old's head (though she did enjoy the labs and pick up some of the lingo). 

Since beginning this unschooling shift I've been a little at a loss about how to approach this.  Do I continue to follow the order of the lessons?  What if I can't find snails when it's the snail lesson?!  So, tonight I pulled together my scattered thoughts and I've decided the answer is to use the labs as they fit.  Seems simple, right?  While this might not sound like a big deal to some, it's our first step out of the box, making curriculum work for us!  So tomorrow morning we plan to take a nature walk.  We will collect things, and take pictures, and see where the chips fall.  And we may not even finish the book.  Or maybe we will....next year.  Crazy talk, I tell ya!

My Girl

This little lady is my oldest daughter.  She is beautiful...like model beautiful, and she knows it.  She has no shortage of confidence.  She is smart and silly.  She is a royal princess who isn't afraid of mud.  She is full of life and full of joy.  And she doesn't listen worth a lick. 

Of my four children, I would say she's my biggest challenge.  I have struggled for years knowing how to deal with her.  When we go out to get in the car she runs down the street.  In stores she always manages to turn a corner or hide under something.  She runs as far ahead, or lags as far behind us as she possibly can.  She is a handful.

Many, many times I've felt like I needed a manual to figure this kid out.  I've tried just about every sort of discipline I can imagine...time-outs and grounding, paying back and saying sorry.  What do you do with a child who just won't be tamed?

She is a free spirit...a hippie child.  And I find myself wondering, why do I want to change this?  There is so much beauty in her carefree world, but it doesn't fit into our standards of proper behavior.  This is the wonderful thing about homeschooling.  She doesn't have to be bound to someone else's standards.  WE don't have to be bound to someone else's standards.  Because, you see, it is me who is in bondage here.  It's me who makes it a problem.  Deep down I know my annoyance, and much of my disciplinary measures, come from embarrassment over feeling like I don't have control of my child.   

It's funny how you don't realize the poor way you've treated your child until you see yourself in someone else.  When someone else reacts negatively to her, my blood boils and my heart breaks.  In those moments I see her clearly.  I take a step back and recognize this innocent kid who simply wants to know how far she can push the boundaries, who wants attention and love, who wants and needs some space to figure it out.

I fully admit, I don't have this one pegged.  One thing I've been doing for a while now is telling her what a great leader she is.  She can walk into a room not knowing a single soul and within minutes she has everyone doing what she does.  Children love her.  So I tell her, with leadership comes responsibility, that she needs to remember to lead in a positive way.  Another thing we do is dates.  With her siblings around she can be difficult, but by herself she's a different kid.  She needs undivided attention on a regular basis.  One drawback of this is she's begun to associate date with buying stuff.  We're working on this.  :)

I'm definitely open to more suggestions.  How do I take a step back and allow her some freedom while guiding her in a positive way?  How do I come alongside her and help her harness this energy for good?  Do any of you have children like this?  If so, how do you do it?

Your Mother Should Know

This handsome guy is my firstborn, the oldest of four...or as I affectionately call him, my guinea pig.  From the time I was a little bitty girl I knew I wanted to be a mother.  I thought for certain that after years of careful planning and preparation I would have been better suited for this role.  The reality was, of course, that I had no clue.  From the moment of his birth I began to make a mental count of all the mistakes I was making.  As he grew, so did the list.  Such is the life of every mother, I think.

The one thing I knew was that I didn't want to leave him.  I praised God when my husband landed his job, just days before I was to return to work after maternity leave.  I'd held my baby and cried, wondering how I'd be able to function every day knowing that he was away from me.  The relief of knowing I could be home with him was like nothing I'd ever experienced prior. 

That feeling of dread arose again in me when I'd begin to imagine his school years and those of his siblings after him.  It wasn't that I didn't trust the teachers, or that I felt I could do a better job, or feared drugs, or violence, or any of that.  I just simply wanted to observe every moment of his growth that I could.  The idea of letting someone else experience that with my child made me feel robbed.  You never, ever get those precious moments back. 

And so we began the way every other homeschooler I knew began...with curriculum and a plan.  (I'm laughing out loud reading that last line back.)  Oh yes, I had my plan.  And we were going to have FUN!  But funny thing...he had no interest in my plan.  And rather than put the curriculum aside (I paid for it, darn it!), I began with the pushing.  And I pushed, and I pushed, right on from preschool through third grade.  I curriculum-hopped.  I wrote strict schedules.  We sat many a day at the table tediously working through tear-soaked math lessons while the school kids were walking home for the day. 

He was miserable.  And I was miserable.

And I yelled.  And he yelled.

And I threatened...  I'll put him in school, I thought.  Surely they are better suited to deal with this child than I am.  I was ruining him...and our relationship.

Alas, one day a friend asked a simple question about unschooling on our local Facebook homeschooling page.  I'd heard the term before, but didn't know much.  I began to research and ask questions, much like I started my homeschooling journey 7 years ago.  And once again I got that feeling...I can do this.  Only this time there is no plan.  This time I have to relinquish control.  I have to trust that my child knows what he needs and wants better than I do.  I have to trust that I'm not going to cause him or our relationship further damage.

So, about a month ago we ceased all lessons.  Boom.  We were done with the school year.  I couldn't take it any longer and I knew he couldn't either.  And what I've found is very encouraging.  He asks brilliant questions and has fascinating ideas!  He keeps a journal and writes funny poems.  And he's even done some dreaded math...on his own...because he wants to!  We've gone to museums and watched documentaries.  I "strewed" some classic books on his Kindle slot and when he saw them he said he didn't like them.  Then after careful consideration he said, "You know, maybe I will read those books because I bet they're good for me."

My other children are developing their own interests as well, of course. My oldest daughter wants to learn about car motors.  I would have never known that if I hadn't given her the freedom to tell me.  My younger daughter is learning to bake and decorate pastries.  My youngest guy, not yet three years old, loves to tell me about the "outer space moon" and SCUBA diving with sharks. 

We are getting there.  I am learning to trust not only them, but my instincts.  What I used to think was a tendency toward laziness on my part, I'm learning, is actually my natural instinct to let my kids be kids.  I never was good at scheduling our day.  I hated that they didn't get enough time to play outside.  Now the world is our playground.  I'm starting to embrace this freedom instead of fear it.  We are learning this together.  And one thing I can thank my eldest for is making me a better mother to his siblings than the one he got at their ages.  I hope someday he'll look back and see that he taught me more than I can ever hope to teach him.