Good Vibrations

We've had a wonderful few weeks. My mother came into town, my girls started Girl Scouts, and our unschooler group went on our Not Back to School camping trip to Warren Dunes in Sawyer, Michigan. The passing of these events have marked the end of Summer for us. There's really no denying it as I watch the leaves fall in the backyard. But that's okay. There's something cozy about Fall. We had a lovely storm ring in the new season this morning. A nice day to sit, play card games, and drink hot peppermint tea.

I've realized these few weeks that we needed to deschool more than I'd originally thought. We remained so busy all Summer that once it came down to thinking about "schoolish" things again, I found I just couldn't gather my thoughts. Some wonderful friends gave me good advice to just take it slow, and spend one on one time with each child every day. So that's our starting point. I did get our Life of Fred Butterflies book out today to read with the two oldest kids, and that was about as schoolish as we got. But it's a start.  I'm not in a hurry.  In fact, in my lack of structure lately, my kids have spent plenty of time playing video games, but something was even birthed from that for my son.  He began telling his dad and I tonight about a comic book series he wants to begin writing.  The wheels are already turning for him.

I think the best part about this time is observing and taking note of the blessings that come with this lifestyle.  My son is so happy.  He smiles all the time now.  I had wondered at one point if he would ever be a happy child, and now he is.  Life doesn't have to be so complicated.  There's no race to any imagined finish line.  We're all here in this together, and there is space for peace and growth.

And I am growing.  There are so many things I thought I'd never be able to accomplish since having kids because in my mind there were just too many things we had to get done.  But nothing is so pressing now that I don't have room to pursue my interests too.  On my "Bucket List", so to speak, for a long time had been learning to crochet, to sew, play guitar, and get healthy.  Last Spring I taught myself to crochet, last week my neighbor, some friends and I started making strides toward the goal of getting healthy (hopefully resulting in an unschooling 5K team in the coming months), and tonight I began learning to play my grandfather's guitar.  I've started all of these things before. Now I'm able to actually follow through.

Living this lifestyle is a breath of fresh air.  It may seem directionless to some, but it's actually a wide open field with many paths that overlap.  It's a very happy time for my kids and me.  I'm so thankful that we decided to jump in with both feet.

Summertime

What a crazy fast, whirlwind summer we've had!  I really don't know how it's September already.  We played hard, took a couple of vacations out of state, and found some fun local stuff to do too.

Vacationing with small kids can be hard.  Much of is it just plain work.  But today I finally unloaded all of our pictures and was delighted to see that amidst all the craziness, we really did have a lot of fun!

We started with a trip to Chicago.  We got killer deals on City Passes, and being always on the lookout for educational experiences, I decided the most logical idea was to cram four museums into three days. Ha!  Sounds nuts, but we had great fun during the day.  Nights, not so much, but that's what we get for sharing a single room with four children.  (Never again!)  We visited the Field Museum, Shedd Aquarium, Adler Planetarium, and Museum of Science and Industry.  We are incredibly blessed to live so close to such amazing places!

But we live even nearer to some other places of interest.  The Studebaker Museum is basically in our backyard.  We were invited to go with some new friends one day a couple of weeks ago, and had a great time absorbing some local history.  We even got to see the car from The Muppet Movie!

Finally we just got back from Cedar Point.  This is totally my husband's thing.  He is a bona fide, self-proclaimed roller coaster geek.  Every year we go, and every year I walk around in circles ruing the day we bought those darned tickets.  But even in my misery, the kids so enjoy their over-priced carnival rides, so as a mother you just grin and bear it, right?

What's neat about Cedar Point that even appeals to me is their Dinosaurs Alive! exhibit.  Very cool and humbling to see life-sized dinos up close and personal.  I loved that Punk got to see what Sue from Field Museum would have looked like!

What I love more than anything, though, is the little learning moments here and there that aren't scheduled.  Boo loves to touch and smell everything she comes into contact with. Her curiosity is precious.  Coming out of a toll road rest stop she just had to stop and feel a pillar.  We took just a few minutes and compared the feel of the bricks, mortar, cement, and caulk.  While leaving the hotel one day we observed a katydid climbing the wall.  On the path to see the dinosaurs she stopped to touch a grasshopper.  Little moments that mean a lot.  Perhaps those brief memories will live on in her mind.  Who knows what memories will stick?

Another impromptu lesson was Dude asking to use my camera at the park.  There are no automatic settings on my "good camera".  It's all manual.  So I showed him how to use it as well as I could in the short time we had while his sisters and brothers were on a ride.  I set the ISO and aperture for him, and he set to figuring out the shutter speed.  After a few tries, he didn't do too shabby!

All in all, great times were had.  Memories were made.  We invested time in one another.  And the fun in the sun isn't over yet!  Monday is my birthday (yay!), Thursday is Punk's birthday (whaaah!) and in a week and a half we'll go camping with our unchooling friends.  The latter promises to provide some good photo ops as most of us are inexperienced campers!  Ha!  Until next time...

The Times They Are a-Changin'

Since we've been deschooling and drifting into unschooling I've already noticed some pretty great differences in the way our day to day life looks.  Here are a handful of things that have stuck out to me.

*Mealtimes are a joint effort.  In the past I would make one thing and one thing only.  If my kids wanted it, great.  If not, they wouldn't eat.  Today for lunch I made myself a spinach quesadilla.  Bebe (7) made Punk (2) a "peanut butter taco".  Boo Boo (5) made herself a peanut butter sandwich.  Dude (9) and Bebe requested egg sandwiches.  While my quesadilla was in the oven, I fried up some eggs, and they took care of making the sandwiches themselves.  They all poured themselves their own milk and I got Punk's for him.  It's like a well-oiled machine.  No fighting.  No tears.  Just everyone doing for themselves or others.

*We have time.  We have time for reading together.  We have time to do chores at relaxed pace.  We have time to play games.  There isn't a whole lot of "We'll do that after..."  Of course, things still come up, but for the most part we're free to be doing whatever we please.  The other day we were invited on an impromptu outing to a local museum and we just went!  The fast-paced life we'd created is slowing down and we're able to just be and enjoy each other's company.

*I don't yell.  I don't need to yell.  Now that I've had the ability to sit back and realize that most of my NOs were out of frustration or unwarranted, the need for yelling has gone away.  And if I do ever have to yell, they will know it's for a really good reason.

*Dude is happy.  This is my introverted child, the one people were concerned about at a very young age because he was "too shy" or wouldn't "make eye contact", the one who almost certainly had ADHD, the one who cried through lessons daily.  He smiles.  His outbursts are less frequent.  The other day he jumped into my dad's lap, all 80 lbs. of him, squeezing his neck and rocking, saying, "I love my Papa!"  He's taken on some responsibility for his siblings without me asking.  He asks a lot of questions and tells me all about what he's been reading.  He hugs me often.  He is a different boy.  That alone is priceless.

Your Mother Should Know

This handsome guy is my firstborn, the oldest of four...or as I affectionately call him, my guinea pig.  From the time I was a little bitty girl I knew I wanted to be a mother.  I thought for certain that after years of careful planning and preparation I would have been better suited for this role.  The reality was, of course, that I had no clue.  From the moment of his birth I began to make a mental count of all the mistakes I was making.  As he grew, so did the list.  Such is the life of every mother, I think.

The one thing I knew was that I didn't want to leave him.  I praised God when my husband landed his job, just days before I was to return to work after maternity leave.  I'd held my baby and cried, wondering how I'd be able to function every day knowing that he was away from me.  The relief of knowing I could be home with him was like nothing I'd ever experienced prior. 

That feeling of dread arose again in me when I'd begin to imagine his school years and those of his siblings after him.  It wasn't that I didn't trust the teachers, or that I felt I could do a better job, or feared drugs, or violence, or any of that.  I just simply wanted to observe every moment of his growth that I could.  The idea of letting someone else experience that with my child made me feel robbed.  You never, ever get those precious moments back. 

And so we began the way every other homeschooler I knew began...with curriculum and a plan.  (I'm laughing out loud reading that last line back.)  Oh yes, I had my plan.  And we were going to have FUN!  But funny thing...he had no interest in my plan.  And rather than put the curriculum aside (I paid for it, darn it!), I began with the pushing.  And I pushed, and I pushed, right on from preschool through third grade.  I curriculum-hopped.  I wrote strict schedules.  We sat many a day at the table tediously working through tear-soaked math lessons while the school kids were walking home for the day. 

He was miserable.  And I was miserable.

And I yelled.  And he yelled.

And I threatened...  I'll put him in school, I thought.  Surely they are better suited to deal with this child than I am.  I was ruining him...and our relationship.

Alas, one day a friend asked a simple question about unschooling on our local Facebook homeschooling page.  I'd heard the term before, but didn't know much.  I began to research and ask questions, much like I started my homeschooling journey 7 years ago.  And once again I got that feeling...I can do this.  Only this time there is no plan.  This time I have to relinquish control.  I have to trust that my child knows what he needs and wants better than I do.  I have to trust that I'm not going to cause him or our relationship further damage.

So, about a month ago we ceased all lessons.  Boom.  We were done with the school year.  I couldn't take it any longer and I knew he couldn't either.  And what I've found is very encouraging.  He asks brilliant questions and has fascinating ideas!  He keeps a journal and writes funny poems.  And he's even done some dreaded math...on his own...because he wants to!  We've gone to museums and watched documentaries.  I "strewed" some classic books on his Kindle slot and when he saw them he said he didn't like them.  Then after careful consideration he said, "You know, maybe I will read those books because I bet they're good for me."

My other children are developing their own interests as well, of course. My oldest daughter wants to learn about car motors.  I would have never known that if I hadn't given her the freedom to tell me.  My younger daughter is learning to bake and decorate pastries.  My youngest guy, not yet three years old, loves to tell me about the "outer space moon" and SCUBA diving with sharks. 

We are getting there.  I am learning to trust not only them, but my instincts.  What I used to think was a tendency toward laziness on my part, I'm learning, is actually my natural instinct to let my kids be kids.  I never was good at scheduling our day.  I hated that they didn't get enough time to play outside.  Now the world is our playground.  I'm starting to embrace this freedom instead of fear it.  We are learning this together.  And one thing I can thank my eldest for is making me a better mother to his siblings than the one he got at their ages.  I hope someday he'll look back and see that he taught me more than I can ever hope to teach him.