Learning to Fly

If there was ever a moment when I had a clear view of what unschooling really is, it was tonight.  Tonight the clouds parted, the angels sang, and the light shone into my bedroom, of all places.  Tonight my seven year old daughter brought me a book.  It wasn't a storybook, but a picture book about animals...only a couple of sentences per page with a handful of animal names.  I was puzzled why she wanted me to read this one.  But then she told me, "I'm going to read this one."  I sat back and simply said, "Okay, shoot!"  And that's when it happened.  She read.  Everything from spider to kestrel to corncrake.  Then she read the question at the bottom.  And then, the sentences at the top of the page.  My jaw dropped and my eyes began to well up. 

I suppose I should have seen this coming.  I have enough friends who've been down the unschool road to have heard the stories of children who self taught.  And, say what you will about video games, but yesterday she rattled off a good amount of words that she appeared to be "reading" from Minecraft.  But when I asked her how she knew them she just replied that her brother told her what they said.  What I hadn't thought about at the time, though, was that she remembered all those words.  Words like inventory.  Big words.  Still, I didn't take much notice.

But tonight, she read a book she'd never read before. And after that one, she ran and got another, a level 1 reader, and read that whole book to me for good measure.  She went to bed with our camping lantern, two level 2 readers, one level 3 reader and the promise that we can read to the point of exhaustion tomorrow.  She is inspired, and I didn't do a thing to inspire her.  I have not taught this child anything besides basic letter sounds, and even that was months and months ago.  Tonight the most I helped her with was proper pronunciation of words like wear (she was saying weer), because let's face it, the English language makes no sense.  But still, she managed to sound out 90% of the words completely unassisted.  Amazing!

This child wants to learn.  All children want to learn.  They don't need an adult to tell them that they want to learn.  They don't need an adult to teach them.  They don't need a grade level, or worksheets, or homework.  They just need to be given the freedom to learn when they are ready.  When I think of all the lessons I did with my nine year old son...to be honest, I feel like a lot of it was wasted time.  Had I just waited until the right moment, the moment for him to be ready, it would have been so much easier and less time consuming.  And it would have been his, not mine.  But we live and we learn.

I'm so proud of this girl!  And I'm excited for her as she begins this new adventure full of new discoveries.  What a happy time this is for her!

 

Good Vibrations

We've had a wonderful few weeks. My mother came into town, my girls started Girl Scouts, and our unschooler group went on our Not Back to School camping trip to Warren Dunes in Sawyer, Michigan. The passing of these events have marked the end of Summer for us. There's really no denying it as I watch the leaves fall in the backyard. But that's okay. There's something cozy about Fall. We had a lovely storm ring in the new season this morning. A nice day to sit, play card games, and drink hot peppermint tea.

I've realized these few weeks that we needed to deschool more than I'd originally thought. We remained so busy all Summer that once it came down to thinking about "schoolish" things again, I found I just couldn't gather my thoughts. Some wonderful friends gave me good advice to just take it slow, and spend one on one time with each child every day. So that's our starting point. I did get our Life of Fred Butterflies book out today to read with the two oldest kids, and that was about as schoolish as we got. But it's a start.  I'm not in a hurry.  In fact, in my lack of structure lately, my kids have spent plenty of time playing video games, but something was even birthed from that for my son.  He began telling his dad and I tonight about a comic book series he wants to begin writing.  The wheels are already turning for him.

I think the best part about this time is observing and taking note of the blessings that come with this lifestyle.  My son is so happy.  He smiles all the time now.  I had wondered at one point if he would ever be a happy child, and now he is.  Life doesn't have to be so complicated.  There's no race to any imagined finish line.  We're all here in this together, and there is space for peace and growth.

And I am growing.  There are so many things I thought I'd never be able to accomplish since having kids because in my mind there were just too many things we had to get done.  But nothing is so pressing now that I don't have room to pursue my interests too.  On my "Bucket List", so to speak, for a long time had been learning to crochet, to sew, play guitar, and get healthy.  Last Spring I taught myself to crochet, last week my neighbor, some friends and I started making strides toward the goal of getting healthy (hopefully resulting in an unschooling 5K team in the coming months), and tonight I began learning to play my grandfather's guitar.  I've started all of these things before. Now I'm able to actually follow through.

Living this lifestyle is a breath of fresh air.  It may seem directionless to some, but it's actually a wide open field with many paths that overlap.  It's a very happy time for my kids and me.  I'm so thankful that we decided to jump in with both feet.

Space Oddity

Now that I've finished my Pam Laricchia books, I'm onto the "Bible" of unschooling...better known as Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling. I'm barely 1/6 of the way into it and I already have so much to say! For starters, I love that this book is broken down into very specific, bite sized nuggets. You can pretty much turn to any page at any time. No need to read it cover to cover...although I am. Seldom have I found a book that speaks so clearly to my soul. She has written things that I've said, or thought already! Below is one of the quotes from the book that made me question, did she read my mind?!

"School has become so much a part of life in the past few decades that it seems to some that taking their children out of school is like leaving the planet altogether."

I have often used the analogy that our first day of NOT sending our son to Kindergarten was like floating out in space. It was a weightless, groundless, quiet void where I didn't really know what to do with myself or him. I had that feeling again this summer when I made the decision to unschool...even had a dream about being on a space station, which I could only attribute to that lost in space feeling. It's the perfect description because it's so true. To make the steps to homeschooling and unschooling, for a person like me, is to leave behind everything you know and step into uncharted territory. You only have the stories of those who've gone before you with their own families to give you the momentum to keep going and keep trying new things.

However, I have discovered that I'm naturally more of an unschooler than I'd previously thought. I have always struggled with schedules, and we were never very good at "doing school". Last year I remember a friend posting pictures of her children celebrating their 100th day of school, and upon looking at the calendar I realized we'd only completed about 50 sit-at-a-desk days of school ourselves. While I used to view this as a negative, I now see the positive in it.

In the book, Sandra talks about the importance of deschooling. The suggested guideline is to deschool your children one month for every year of traditional schooling before really getting the unschooling ball rolling. Further, she recommends parents do the same. For me, that would be 13 months of deschooling (one month for each of my years in public school K-12, and not counting nursery school or college). We have been deschooling since June and I'm happy to report that my children have not lost their joy of learning, especially not my youngest three. I'm so grateful for that! My oldest is not as carefree as his siblings yet, but he still eagerly pores over books about tornadoes, spies, and the periodic table of elements. And I already have the curiosity and desire for closeness with my children that is so crucial for unschooling parents to have. This gives me confidence that we will not need to deschool for any extended period of time, though I will give my oldest more time than the others. I feel he deserves that.

There are laws, however, and Sandra does make mention of knowing them. Thankfully the state we live in requires only that we keep attendance 180 days of the year. To one in the unschooling camp, this is no problem. Children learn 365 days a year. Check!  But for the sake of keeping us covered, I've decided to record their learning, quietly, as to not distract them, for at least 180 days of the year. Today it went something like this:

E:
Read book, Tornado! (Reading, Science)
Played Minecraft (Math, Geometry, Technology)
Wrote letter to friend (Language Arts, Writing, Grammar, Handwriting, Spelling)
Ran around the yard pretending to be a Ninja (Phys. Ed.)
Started learning about making stop-motion videos (Technology)

A and B:
Discussed and compared small, medium, and large toys at dentist's office (Math)
Discussed shape toys at dentist's office (Math, Geometry)
Talked about Easter Island statues prompted by National Geographic mag (History)
Observed and picked out snails at PetSmart (Science)
Picked up various items for dog, cat, rabbit, and fish (Science, Health)
Made bead necklaces to spell their names (Writing, Spelling, Fine Motor, Art)
Played "smoothie making" and "doctor" iPad apps (Health, Science, Technology)
Painted paper (Art, Fine Motor)

S:
Played Endless Alphabet iPad app (Language Arts, Pre-reading, Technology)
Washed hands by himself (Health)
Learned that sunny spots are warmer than shady ones (Science)
Painted and cut paper (Art, Fine Motor)

All:
Took dog on walk around neighborhood (Geography, Science, Health, Phys. Ed.)
Released a tree frog we raised from a tadpole (Science)
Watched Jaws (Science, Technology)
Lived, worked and played together, and interacted with others (Socialization)

The list could go on and on. The beauty is, it's not complicated. These are real life lessons that would have otherwise been replicated in a classroom, undoubtedly in worksheet form. How much sweeter is it to be just fluid parts of life? The children have no idea these things can be broken down into subjects. Their world isn't compartmentalized. It just is. So while this place might feel otherworldly, I'll take it. We are blessed to live this life! I'm so anxious to see where this grand adventure takes us!

Free as a Bird

In my quest to get my bearings with this lifestyle change, I've been seeking out experienced friends and reading material.  I happened upon Pam Laricchia's books and decided to dig right in.  Her children were pulled from school to begin homeschooling, her oldest son the same age as my oldest son is now.  Reading about her children's confidence has really helped me, as I've wondered at times if I'd already done irreparable damage to my kids. 

I started with Free to Learn, which lists 5 paradigm shifts when beginning an unschooling lifestyle.  As a person who loves lists, this is very helpful for me.  After finishing that one, I began Free to Live, and I'm currently about two chapters into that one.  Then I plan to read them both again, next time taking notes.

I've really enjoyed reading these so far.  They are relatively short and easy to follow, and while I don't agree with everything she suggests, the main thing I appreciate is her recommendation to ask myself questions, mainly when I tell my children no.  What is my reasoning behind it?  Is it just an arbitrary rule?  What is the worst thing that will happen if I let them try?  I have found myself many times saying no just because it's easy...for me.  But what am I really saying to them?  I haven't even considered your request.  I don't trust you to make a good decision.  My clean house is more important than your inspiration.  So I've decided on two "rules" to start...  Be considerate of others and be a team player.

I've spent some time thinking about things we could change in our home.  One thing my kids enjoy is getting out their art supplies: paper, scissors, glue, crayons, etc.  In a matter of milliseconds our kitchen table becomes engulfed in this creative jumble, and my blood pressure rises.  Thankfully I've always seen the advantage of this, so most of the time I say yes anyway, but on many occasions I've still said no just because I didn't want to clean up the mess.  Part of this new way of thinking is allowing the messes, but also impressing on the children that they have a part in the clean up.

Another area we need some help in is chores.  I'd gotten a well-organized system in place a couple of weeks ago...and the month before that...and the month before that.  We've tried rewards and punishments, money, and doing it just "because I said so", but it never works, and for good reason.  For one thing, it's never a natural process.  I myself don't do "preventative cleaning".  I've never been able to commit to a cleaning schedule.  If I see something is dirty, I clean it, so it makes sense that my kids will probably be the same way.  We had a family meeting the other day and I explained to them their required chores are no more.  Their eyes bugged out of their heads and smiles stretched across their faces as they looked back and forth at each other.  I went further, telling them that they are now in charge of their bedrooms.  They will be the ones to decide when they want a clean floor, or clean clothes.  And they can even help me with the laundry, and I will help them do the cleaning. They just have to let me know when they're ready.  Now my kids are big time mess-makers, especially my girls, and I don't want their rooms to be fire hazards, so last night I just simply picked up what was on the floor that was dangerous and made a clear path in case of emergency, setting things aside, but not necessarily putting them away.  Eventually they will decide whether they'd like a clean place to play, or whether they'd like to find that lost toy. But the pressure is now off of me, not only to keep their living space clean, but also to keep them in line. 

Now when it comes to shared space, it'll be a little different.  I told them they are welcome to play where they like, but they need to keep in mind before they make a mess that they will be held responsible for cleaning it.  If they are in the middle of playing something, I will no longer make them clean up their project to go to bed or whatever, and I will no longer threaten to take it to Goodwill (ugh...did I really do that?).  Instead I will respect their wish to continue playing as long as it isn't interfering with our living.  BUT if company is coming, and we need to have the living space clear for friends, then we'll work together to make sure the house is adequate for our guests.

On the subject of bedtime...well, this a tricky one.  My kids are nine, seven, five and almost three.  It's a given in my mind that my youngest little guy needs some help figuring out when it's bedtime.  He needs me to guide him when he's sleepy so that it doesn't impact his mood for the rest of the day or evening.  My five year old is sort of borderline, and it's made a little more difficult because she shares a room with her sister.  So for the moment, I've told them they can go to bed whenever they want, but they need to respect others who'd like to sleep, so they can't be noisy.  If they want to play they'll need to do it quietly in their room with their door shut.  My husband and I stay up late, so my oldest son will be allowed to hang out downstairs as long as he's quiet, then he can sneak into his shared room and hopefully not wake his brother up.  But nobody is allowed in our bedroom once we're in for the night...and we'll be putting a lock on our door.  :)  Last night we tried this for the first time.  My two girls ended up arguing, so I did need to tell them it was bedtime around 10:00.   So this will be a learning process to see what their needs are.  My oldest stayed up to watch a show with his dad, but when it was done he happily put himself to bed around 10:30.  This might sound late to some, but as a family we don't generally get out of bed until sometime between 8:00 and 8:45 every morning, so they are still able to get a good 10 hours or so of sleep going to bed at these hours. 

In regard to screen time, this is something I used to limit, or even ban.  But I love technology and I'm a visual learner, so I started questioning my motives.  After reading Free to Learn, I've decided to lift all rules about this.  Does this mean I want my kids to live in front of a screen?  Of course not!  But I do need to trust that they know what they need.  And here's the kicker, it's my job as parent to make the world interesting to my learners.  If I don't provide them positive alternatives, they'll think there's nothing better in the world than sitting in front of that screen.  But if I show interest in something outside of the home, in a book, through travel, or interesting toys, they won't feel that the world outside of a screen is boring.  The other side to this is if I limit their every move, what will their lives be like when they are on their own for the first time with no limits at all?  The idea a lot of parents have, and one that I previously shared, was if I model good rules they will grow up to still want to follow them.  But if they feel they are following arbitrary rules, only because they are being told, how will they know how to make good decisions for themselves when they are suddenly unleashed?

The one thing I disagreed with Ms. Laricchia most about was food.  She suggests letting kids eat what they want to eat, when they want to eat, and where they want to eat.  I can agree to an extent.  I do see the advantage, not only from a freedom perspective, but also from a health perspective, in allowing a child to eat when they are hungry instead of telling them they have to come to eat at a certain time.  If they aren't hungry, they will either be wasting food, or they will be gorging themselves when they don't need food at the moment.  However, as a friend said yesterday, I am not a servant.  If my children would like to come and make themselves a sandwich because they didn't feel like eating at lunch time, that's fine to me.  But I'm not going to be a short order cook, and I'm certainly not going to bring them food wherever they feel like eating all over the house.  As they get older that may change, but right now, especially in summer, food all over the house equals bugs, and nobody wants that.  As far as mealtimes are concerned, though, the reality is, as an unschooling family we'll be spending so much time living and learning together that the dinner table will no longer the hub of all family togetherness. 

The last thing that inspired me was thinking ahead to the future.  Our culture holds a belief that a child's job is to learn, so they can go to college, and eventually get the highest paying job they can.  I believe this ideology is so very, very flawed.  For one thing, I don't want my kids to feel that their entire childhood is nothing more than preparation for adulthood.  I want them to live their childhood.  College is certainly not the only means of securing a career.  If a child is interested enough in a specific subject, they will find a way to do what they want to do.  If that means they need college, they can and will make that happen by researching colleges, figuring out what they need to do to get into their college of choice, and doing it.  But how many 18 year olds really know what they want to do for the rest of their lives?  And how many spend thousands on college only to find out they don't want to do what they wanted to do five years ago anymore?  How many really need college to make a good living doing what they enjoy?  Just this morning I read an interview with Mike Rowe about the lack of hands-on workers, and how college isn't for everyone.  I want my kids to have EVERY opportunity, not limit them to doing what's expected of them by the society they happen to have been born into.  Also, I want them to know their dad and I are here to support them at every stage of their lives.  If they need a place to live while they're figuring out their goals, I don't want them to be burdened by shoving them out of the nest too soon.  Perhaps they lose a job and need a place for their family to stay, or maybe we decide to be a three generational household.  What's the harm in that?  That is the norm in many cultures around the world.  It's hard raising children without a lot of support, and my husband and I agree that we want to be the type of grandparents who are available when our children need us to step up and help out.  We are open to whatever path the Lord places in front of each member of our family.  We are, and always will be team players. 

What a Wonderful World

I've been thinking a lot about how to approach the upcoming school year.  The reality is, we won't be following a traditional school year, as we'll be learning year-round.  But it's hard not to think about it when there is so much talk about boxes of curriculum arriving, or school start dates. My problem is I'm a disorganized perfectionist.  I want so badly to do everything...just. right.  But when I quickly discover that a project is not cut and dry...it's like I become frozen, not knowing what to do, so I just do nothing.  This summer has been like that.  There are SO many things I've wanted to do and I can feel summer slipping through our fingers.  Of course...our summer can be as long as the weather allows, which is comforting. 

I've been learning a lot about unschooling through friends, and was surprised to hear that there are very different schools of thought (no pun intended).  There is everything from radical unschooling to relaxed, interest-led learning. I'm not exactly sure where we'll fall.  Right now I just know that I want my children to have the freedom to make natural connections and I believe they also need my guidance to make good decisions sometimes.  We'll see how that evolves as we really get into a groove.  Perhaps I won't have to do any pushing.  Wouldn't that be nice?!

I envision our family learning through nature, technology, the library, hands-on experience...  I do not envision us using text books or grading performance through tests.  That said, we have a science curriculum that we all LOVE called R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey (published through Pandia Press).  This past year we began with the Level One study of Life Science.  It is advertised for Grades 1-4, which fits our family well.  I've found it's engrossing for my 9 and 7 year olds, if a little above my 5 year old's head (though she did enjoy the labs and pick up some of the lingo). 

Since beginning this unschooling shift I've been a little at a loss about how to approach this.  Do I continue to follow the order of the lessons?  What if I can't find snails when it's the snail lesson?!  So, tonight I pulled together my scattered thoughts and I've decided the answer is to use the labs as they fit.  Seems simple, right?  While this might not sound like a big deal to some, it's our first step out of the box, making curriculum work for us!  So tomorrow morning we plan to take a nature walk.  We will collect things, and take pictures, and see where the chips fall.  And we may not even finish the book.  Or maybe we will....next year.  Crazy talk, I tell ya!